Holy Crap Not Again?!?

2009-11-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

The New York Yankees have just won the 2009 World Series. They defeated the Philadelphia Phillies In game six 7 to 3.

And in capturing the world baseball title, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has shown the sports world what spending $1.5 billion on a baseball stadium and $2.5 billion on players' salaries will 'getcha.'

Many baseball sports writers have already pointed out that the New York Yankees pay out more in yearly salaries to the Yankee players than all of the other 29 MLB teams combined.

Even the 14-year-old Yankees batboy Teddy Montefortino makes more than any of the players on the Florida Marlins team.

People (i.e. fans and sportswriters) are always talking about records with an asterisk (*) for this reason or an asterisk (*) for that reason.

Well the New York "Store Bought" Yankees have an asterisk (*) by their names the size of Madison Square Garden. And the reason that it is there is because Steinbrenner's Yankees are a perfect example of how a sports team owner can go out and spend billions and billions and billions of dollars to buy a championship.

Yankee star Hideki Matsui, who has already been in the United States for 16 years and still speaks hardly any English, was asked about the so-called asterisk world series.

He just grinned his normal grin and said that he does not cuss so he will not be remarking on the A-word.

Matsui, who's salary is so unbelievably enormous that he could buy the Japanese city of Osaka and probably about one-third of Tokyo does not even bank with an American banking institution.

He has instead opened up his own bank in Osaka named The First National Bank of Hideki Matsui. All of Matsui's money is in his bank and it has more assets than the rest of Japan's 28,501 banks combined.

The First National Bank of Hideki Matsui does not give out toasters with each new account. The FNBHM instead gives out brand new Honda Civics.

Meanwhile the Yankee pitcher with four "T's" in his last name, Andy Pettitte says that he is so excited he is thinking about adding a fifth "T" to his surname.

And New York superstar Alex Rodriguez, aka A-Rod remarked that it was a rough year for him. First he was involved in that steroid scandal. Secondly he had hip surgery. And thirdly he was unwillingly involved in that Madonna-A-Rod-Inflatable Doll Incident in Lisbon, Portugal.

Right after the game Yankee team captain Derek Jeter was asked to make a comment and all that he could say was, "Ahh ouuuu ahhhh, shiesh, mmmm-mmmm!"

Teammate CC Sabathia said that he would translate what Jeter had just said and he remarked, "Wiiiiii-wiiiiii-jes-wiiiiii jes jes."

ESPN did a live interview with Hideki Matsui. They asked him to comment in Japanese on how he felt. He replied, "Ahh ying jo, foo chow fasu saki moto taki hokey pokey Toyota."

When his interpreter Foo Fing Fly was asked to translate he rolled is eyes and replied that he had no idea in the world what the heck Hedeki had just said. Fly then smiled and said that as close as he could figure Heddy, as he calls him, said something about Toyota being the number one selling car in America.

SIDENOTE: The concession stand food at the new $1.5 billion Yankee stadium is the highest-priced food at any of the worlds sports venues. For example the good old traditional American baseball hot dogs sell for $11. Now if you want mustard, relish, and a wiener to go with the two mini-buns the price shoots up to $27.

Ah Shit! Did You Have JC Romero on Your Keeper Team?

2009-01-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

The following is about one of my co-managers who happened to keep JC Romero as one of his keepers. What?! I know he kept a RP but what ever. Anyway, the Commissioner in my league wrote about the impact JC now has given Pete Rattigan and his team the Cocksville Whale Cocks.

Enjoy
_________________________________________________________
by League of Nations Commissioner
Jeff Bauer

Man Down!

The Cockeysville Whale Cocks might need to pick up some help for their bullpen after reliever J.C. Romero found out he has been suspended 50 games by the League of Nations. The lefty reliever was found in a storage room of a Towson, Maryland Trader Joes with Whale Cocks owner/manager Novitiate Pete Rattigan.
Romero failed a drug test, though he denies doing anything
Illegal. The LON Players Association had told players that
the weed Romero took was acceptable, ESPN’s Peter
Gammons, reports.
“I still cannot see where I did something wrong” Romero
told Gammons.

“I didn’t cheat. I tried to follow the rules.
So what, I took some pills and smoked a little weed. My
Manager was there the whole time. How can I get in trouble for this bullshit?”

Novitiate Pete Rattigan was shocked by the suspension. When reached for a comment, Rattigan said, “Want to party, baby? Check out my pants!” then vomited and appartly passed out.

The left-handed Romero, 33 in June, was an impact player in the Cocks’ bullpen in 2008. He went 4-4 with a 2.75 ERA in 81 appearances (59.0 innings). The Whalers - will now - have to rely on the upcoming draft for his replacement.

The Fanatical Baseball Fan

Holy Crap Not Again?!?

Ah Shit! Did You Have JC Romero on Your Keeper Team?